“This is what I command you: Love one another” — John 15:17
Read Together: John 15:12-17
It has been said two of the most powerful words in the sports world are “Coach says.” And if that is the case in the sports world, four of the most powerful words said by our parents or ourselves, as parents are “Because I said so.” Jesus is having a coach/parent moment in John 15 when He is commanding us to love another. Why do we have to love one another? Because God says so. The word for command that Jesus uses is the Greek word, entole, which means command. Command means command. There’s no way around this one; Jesus isn’t giving us a suggestion or simply some feedback on how to treat others but a command to love others as His followers.
Jesus tells us what to do: love others. But He also tells us how to do it: as I have loved you. How did Jesus love us? SACRIFICIALLY AND UNSELFISHLY.
“No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Jesus teaches us through both His words and His actions that love will require sacrifice. A definition of sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love even more. As we look at our spouse, who we are to love sacrificially, it may mean giving up something we love in the process.
“I do not call you servants anymore. . . I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father” (John 15:15). Jesus, as the Son of God, has all the glory and rights of God the Father and as sinners and servants of the world, we have no rights or access to any of it. But Jesus! Because of His unselfish love for us and through a relationship with Him, we have full and complete access to the glory of the Lord. We are to love others, including our spouse, by putting them and others before ourselves knowing and trusting God will take care of us because we have loved others sacrificially and unselfishly.
The question is, will we choose to follow His command to love or not?
FAITH
“We love because He first loved us.” —1 John 4:19
WARM-UP
Q: Explain what Jesus’ love means to you
Q: What are your thoughts/feelings on Jesus’ command to love others like He loved us.
WORKOUT
Read Together: 1 Samuel 19:1-7
As we continue in David’s story to reflect our goal in being living proof of God and His love for us by loving others, we are introduced to a young man named Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of the current king, Saul. The very king God had rejected. King Saul was extremely jealous of David. In the world’s view, the next in line to the throne of the kingdom would be Jonathan, but God had chosen David. Ouch! Instead of being bitter, feeling overlooked or jealous like his father, Jonathan chose to help David.
Jonathan’s actions are so counter cultural. As human beings, we are naturally selfish and self-serving but not Jonathan. In a world that tells us to take what is rightfully ours, he helps David, the very one who took his rightful path to the throne?
HE CHOSE TO LOVE OTHERS OUT OF LOVE FOR GOD. “Jonathan once again swore to David in his love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself” (1 Samuel 2). We just got a front row seat to what it looks like to love someone sacrificially and unselfishly; to put someone else’s needs before their own, to show in words and actions their love and loyalty.
Marriage is the relationship we have where we see the strengths and weaknesses; the good, the bad and the ugly of our spouse yet we have the choice to love them in it all because that very love from Christ is what saved us. Like Jonathan and Jesus, there will be times in our relationship that we need to CHOOSE THE RELATIONSHIP OVER BEING RIGHT. When Jesus was on the cross people were telling Him to prove Himself as the Messiah by coming off the cross but he stayed. Why? Because He chose the relationship with us over being right. He chose love. When Jonathan had the opportunity to take out his rival for personal power as the king’s son, he chose the relationship with God and his friend over being right in the world. He chose love.
There will be times in your marriage when you know you are right, and you are determined to win the argument, but what if we followed these examples and chose our relationship over being right? Choose to love them like Christ loved us.
WRAP-UP
“God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.” —1 John 4:16b
Q: What encourages you and challenges you in Jonathan and David’s story?
Q: When is it the hardest to choose love?
Q: When do you choose having to be right over choosing the relationship?
FAMILY
“I will sing of faithful love and justice.” —Psalm 101:1
WARM-UP
Q: When do you feel the most loved by your spouse?
Q: When do you feel the most loved by God?
WORKOUT
Read Together: Psalm 101:1-3
One thing we know from the Lord and from the example of David is that we cannot give to others what we have not received. We cannot pour from an empty cup. We cannot choose to love others if we have not chosen to walk in God’s love for us first. David is able to lead with integrity and stand up for the ways of the Lord because of the relationship he has with the Lord. He sings of God’s faithful love and this love he has received is what leads him to “live with a heart of integrity in his house.” David was experiencing an extremely hard season of enemies chasing him, his son trying to overthrow him, all while trying to lead an entire nation in the ways of God. Choosing to love others while maintaining his integrity and God’s justice was hard, but David knew the Lord was his power source, his strength and his only hope, so he praised God out of love for God.
Marriage is hard but when you add coaching to your marriage, some seasons just seem impossible. It is in the hard seasons that we must choose to love our spouse in order to keep the covenant we made to them. How do we do it? We choose to connect to the power source who is Christ who first loved us. When we are empty, we choose to spend time with the Lord to get filled up so we can pour out. When we are overwhelmed, we cling to the Rock of Christ who is higher than us. When we are asking questions, we seek God who is the answer. When we choose our loving God, it is then we have chosen the best way to love our spouse.
WRAP-UP
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:35
Q: How can you relate to David’s hard season as a coaching couple?
Q: What fills your heart the most to then pour out?
Key Action: Pray together asking God to show you as a couple how to love one another well.