“My Father is glorified by this; that you produce much fruit and prove to be my disciples.” —John 15:8
Read Together: John 15:8-11
The word cultivate has different meanings including prepare, develop and grow; all part of the process of producing fruit. Whether you are talking about cultivating a crop, a team or a marriage, the process is the same. We need to prepare ourselves to be connected to the vine of God which includes seeking the Lord and surrendering to the Lord like we discussed in the last session.
The development stage is where we address our weaknesses, the areas of our lives that we are led by our flesh instead of the Holy Spirit. When we are led by our flesh we tend to lead with judgement. Our joy is based on circumstances. Our emotions tend to be chaotic. We act impulsive and abrasive and lack self-control. All of these are things that can destroy not just a crop or a team but also a marriage. These fruits of the flesh are the very opposite of what the Bible teaches are the fruit we produce when we are led by the Spirit (love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). These are the fruits we need to have the healthy and thriving marriage we want. As we prepare our hearts through connecting to God and developing our Christ-like character by addressing and repenting of our sin weaknesses, God is glorified because we are now living proof to the world that we are followers of Christ.
Why is this cultivating of our faith so important as a coaching family? Jesus says on John 15:11, “I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.” Jesus knows the ways of this world, including the sports world, will try to steal our joy including the lack of winning, people in the stands or the messages on social media. Complete joy can only be found in Christ and Christ living in us. The world can’t take what Jesus died to give us including complete joy.
FAITH
“Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing” —James 1:2-4
WARM-UP
Q: Who do you know that has cultivated Christ-like character? What parts of their story allow you to see the fruit of them being proven followers of Christ?
Q: How is it possible to still have great joy even though you may be experiencing trials?
WORKOUT
Read Together: 1 Samuel 17
As we continue our example of David and his life as being a proven follower of God, we read the famous story of David defeating the giant, Goliath. We are given a front row seat to the fruit of David’s faith with this victory. But let’s look at part of the story that often gets overlooked. The focus of the story tends to be on the glory of the victory instead of the backstory that got him there.
As we read in 1 Samuel 17:31-37, David says he will go fight Goliath, but King Saul replies, “’You can’t go fight this Philistine. You’re just a youth, and he’s been a warrior since he was young.’ David answered Saul, ‘Your servant has been tending his father’s sheep. Whenever a lion or a bear came and carried off a lamb from the flock, I went after it, struck it down, and rescued the lamb from its mouth.....Your servant has killed lions and bears; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.’”
God had anointed David as the next King of Israel and then sent him back out to the field to tend to his father’s sheep. Why? God needed David’s faith to be cultivated when nobody was watching in order to prepare him for when everyone was. His godly character was proven in the grazing field before he ever stepped foot on the battlefield. David knew the same God that was with him in the dark was going to be with him in the spotlight.
Our faith in the Lord is cultivated not in front of fans, but with our face before our Heavenly Father just like David. Our relationship with God grows when we intentionally seek time to be with Him in prayer and His Word. Our relationship with our spouse grows when we make time to spend with each other on dates, in conversations and with fun experiences. Cultivating our relationships takes work, but will be worth it when we see the fruit God produces from it.
WRAP-UP
“Then all the world will know that Israel has a God, and this whole assembly will know that it is not by sword or by spear that the Lord saves, for the battle is the Lords. He will hand you over to us.” — 1 Samuel 17:46b-47
Q: What encouraged and challenged you about the story of David and his faith in the Lord?
Q: If you were accused of being a follower of Christ, what evidence is there in your life to prove it?
Key Action: Take some time to share with your spouse areas in your faith and marriage that you want to develop and grow.
FAMILY
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way. —Psalm 139:23-24
WARM-UP
Q: How would you describe your prayer life?
Q: What is the hardest prayer you have ever prayed?
WORKOUT
Read Together: Psalm 139
One of the reasons David was so connected to God and cultivated godly character was he had a very intentional and intense prayer life. We see throughout the book of Psalms these prayers showed a deep and intimate relationship with God that carried over to the other relationships in his life. We get a glimpse of this relationship in Psalm 139 and the awareness David had of how well God knew him. From the moment David was in the womb to when he was a warrior for God, the Lord knew him because He created him. David, the creation, was developing a relationship with the Creator. And during this cultivation, David prays one of the hardest prayers but one of the most important prayers we should be praying if we, too, want a growing relationship with the Lord. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139:23-24).
When we pray “Lord, search me, know me, test me, and lead me” we are inviting the Lord to come do some work in us, prune us and cultivate us. This is a hard prayer to pray because it can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful. We don’t like to be shown a mirror that reveals to us what we are really like, what we really think and the depths of our sinful weaknesses. But God can’t take us where He wants us to go if we are not honest about where and who we are. This is a prayer that leads us in the direction of having Christ-like character that we all want in our lives and need in our marriages.
WRAP-UP
“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Q: How did Psalm 139 encourage you?