The Ride Home
What to say right after the game.
Your words matter.
Immediately following an athlete’s competition, a flood of emotions runs through their heart, win or lose. This is a critical time for the parent-child relationship. It can either be a time of building up, or it can be a time of tearing down. Your response will have a significant impact on how your child feels and processes the game.
When I was a young student-athlete, my dad was a high school football coach. Though he was relatively mild mannered (I don’t remember him yelling or expressing anger toward me after a game), I do remember dreading his coaching points or critiques of my performance on the ride home. I wished there was some way we could have waited a few days for his well-intended coaching tips.
Back then, the worst thing I could imagine was disappointing my father with my performance. I’ve heard the expression, “Children love their mothers but live for their fathers.” That was true in my life. So much of my identity as a child was tied to what my daddy thought after my games.
The hours after competition, when emotions are high and identities are being shaped, are so critical. In fact, I think all the vehicles parents use to drive their children home from games should come with a warning sticker on the bumper: “Warning: Fragile egos on board.”
This lesson is intended to better equip you, the parent of an athlete, to navigate those sometimes unpleasant, often volatile, rides home with your child. First, let’s see what the Bible has to say about the subject. Prior to opening your Bible, it’s a good practice to ask God to help you understand what He wants you to understand. Spend time reflecting over each verse. Then, check out the practice sessions for ideas about how to apply it.
Bible Study
From the verses provided, find some principles being taught or lessons you learned about God or from God.
Now that you have spent time reflecting on each verse, which specific one is speaking to your heart? Why is that verse the most meaningful to you?
Can you remember a time when your words built up your child? In what way did those positive words affect your child? What positive behaviors did your child exhibit?
Why do you think it’s so difficult for most parents to know what to say right after their child’s games?
What is one big idea or takeaway you get from these verses, and how might you use it after your child’s next game?
Practice Session
After your child’s next game, surprise them by taking them to get donuts, ice cream or their favorite cookie or cupcake for a special treat.
On your next ride home with your child, refrain from any critique of the game. Don’t even mention anything you observed that they need to correct in order to become a better player. Instead, find a positive character trait they exhibited during the game. There will be another time for your coaching tips and suggestions.
Get your child talking about their experience in the game. Ask questions like: “How did it feel to swish that free throw?” or “…pick up that grounder?” or “…recover that fumble?” Focus your questions on their feelings about the game or experiences during the game. The goal is to get them talking about how they feel, not hearing you talk about how you feel.
Here are some phrases your child really needs to hear from you right after competition, win or lose. Try these after their next game: (It’s OK if you repeat a phrase or use more than one.)
"I love you."
"I'm so proud of you."
"You are the best."
"I love watching you compete."
"There is nowhere else in the world I'd rather be than cheering for you."