Coach are You Crazy?
Boundaries for interacting with the coach.
Coaches coach. Parents parent.
Have you ever thought your child's coach is crazy? Could they be thinking the same about you? The coach parent relationship can be tricky. The coach ought to coach, and the parents should parent. Each should be given respect and freedom in their respective roles.
In the context of a child's sports experience, the parent is giving a measure of authority and responsibility to the coach, meaning the coach is boss when it comes to their child’s sports. Ideally, parents and coaches work together to ensure the best possible experience for the child. Unfortunately, parents and coaches often have differing ideas for what’s best.
Coaches have tremendous influence over student-athletes, for good and bad. Many athletes carry lifetime memories from their coaches. Coaches can also influence how athletes approach sports when they become parents. When my two sons were 8 years old, they had an awesome baseball coach and one of the most enjoyable sports seasons of their lives. They both remember Coach Brown as one of their favorite coaches primarily because he cared more for the boys than he did about the team’s record. His impact still lives on after nearly three decades.
So, how do you engage with your child’s coach in a way that adds value to their sports experience? Here are some best practices when interacting with your child’s coach. (Obviously, these do not apply with a coach that exhibits unreasonable personality disorders; other steps should be taken in abusive environments.)
Do not coach your child from the bleachers. Remember: You’re the parent.
Do not confront the coach prior to, during or after a practice or game. Find out the coach’s policy on setting appointments for conversations before the season.
Do not make derogatory comments from the bleachers aimed at the coach.
Speak to your child prior to contacting the coach.
When speaking with the coach, never talk about other players, even for comparisons.
Encourage your child to speak first with the coach about a concerning issue.
Ask the coach if you can help them with anything.
Maybe the two most powerful words in an athlete’s life are, “Coach said.” Do whatever you can to establish good lines of communication and rapport with the influential person your child calls Coach. Remember: The parent-coach relationship is like all relationships. Don’t enter it with the mindset that the coach should think and/or act in a certain way. Instead, consider how you might add value to their coaching experience. Your child will benefit from this approach and be grateful for it.
Before reading through the Bible verses, ask God to show you ways you can be more proactive in your relationship with your child’s coach, rather than reactive to what you think is wrong.
Bible Study: Use Notes to respond to the questions below.
James 1:19-20 tells us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak.”. How might this biblical principle make your sports experience more enjoyable for you and your family?
How does Romans 13:1 help you approach your relationship with your child’s coach?
Unfortunately, grievances often happen between parents and coaches. What guidance do you receive from Colossians 3:13 to apply to future grievances with your child’s coach?
What is the big idea or main takeaway you get from the Bible verses provided in this lesson?
Practice Session
Make a list of practical ways you might add value to the coach’s job. Exercise one or more ideas from your list with your child’s coach this week.
Initiate a conversation with your spouse or a trusted friend and talk about what causes your negative emotions during your child’s games. Ask God to help you be honest with the other person and with yourself. Consider the Bible verses provided. Get to the bottom of the real source of your anger, fear, jealousy and bitterness. Confess it to God. Ask your spouse or friend to pray with you and for you.