ASHAMED NO MORE
I’m not good enough…I’ve messed up too much…If people only knew what I’ve done and who I am inside…I sin every day, so God couldn’t possibly love me…I’m not worthy of Him or His forgiveness…I’m nothing but garbage…No one has ever or could ever love me because I’m not worth it.
Oh, the lies that the enemy puts in our heads. At one point or another, we all experience thoughts like these and feel worthless and no good. And if we think about them long enough, we’ll start to believe they’re true—that we’re nothing but sin-stained rejects who aren’t fit to enter into the presence of God.
But ladies, it’s not true. We are worthy. Not because of anything we’ve done or not done, but simply because God loves us like crazy. And nothing we’ve ever done or could do would make Him love us less. In His eyes, we have nothing to be ashamed of—and His are the eyes that matter.
How much shame do you carry in your heart?
What are you ashamed of?
Do you believe God loves you even so, or do you think He looks at you with disgust and disapproval? Why?
THINK IT THROUGH
Everyone experiences guilt once in a while. When we do something we know we shouldn’t, we get a pang of remorse and know that we were wrong and deserve consequences for our actions. Guilt is normal, and even a little necessary to helping us learn the difference between right and wrong.
But then there is guilt’s ugly companion shame, which is a whole different animal. In fact, shame can make guilt look like a guppy in a shark tank.
The difference between the two is that while guilt says, “I did something wrong,” shame says, “I am something wrong.” Guilt addresses the sin, but shame attacks the sinner. And when we let shame take root in our hearts and make us believe the lie that we’re somehow worthless because of what we’ve done or experienced, we’ll start behaving accordingly. We’ll either give up and behave like we’re worthless, or we’ll enslave ourselves to becoming perfect to make up for our lack. And neither is beneficial.
For example, an athlete who deals with deep-rooted shame and believes she is innately wrong as a creation may work supremely hard at her sport as a way of regaining her worth as a woman. She won’t find life-giving joy in her pursuit, but will, instead, feel like it’s the only way she can make up for what she lacks on her own. Any mistakes she makes will be devastating, as they will further derail her from finding her worth, and will only affirm the lie she believes that she’s no good.
It’s a painful, life-sucking and unnecessary way to live, and it will lead to physical, mental and emotional damage. It also will create a chasm between the athlete and God, as she will believe He couldn’t love her as she is and that she’s not worthy of Him in any way.
How much do you identify with the thoughts and emotions of shame?
How much does shame drive your behavior? What things do you do or don’t do because you struggle with feeling worthless and ashamed?
To what degree has shame kept you from drawing close to God?
While shame is most visible when we experience sin or shortcoming, it rarely starts with the incident itself. Yes, our sins can cause shame, but the problem is often rooted in something we experienced as children such as rejection, abuse, trauma, physical limitations, neglect or family dysfunction.
Any of those and many other situations can make us feel and believe that we are lesser—tainted, stained, different—or that we are, ourselves, nothing but mistakes. And, oh, this is so painful. We long to be good enough but know we never will be. We think if we can just do X, Y or Z that our shame will be gone, but it never goes away.
The thing about shame is that, unlike other wounds, it doesn’t heal on its own with time. It just stays buried inside us waiting to manifest itself when stirred by circumstance. An angry coach berates us, and we immediately feel the same shame we felt when our mom said we were ugly, stupid or fat. We miss a last-second shot and automatically feel the sting of our dad’s disappointment in our failures years ago. We find ourselves in sexual sin and immediately remember the permanent judgment exacted on others who had done the same by Christians who had forgotten God’s forgiveness and mercy.
Thoughts and beliefs like that are some of our worst enemies. They’ll separate us from God and keep us from ever experiencing His love, joy, forgiveness, peace and freedom. They’ll keep us enslaved to perfectionism, sin, isolation, addiction, anxiety and depression for as long as we let them. But there is one thing they can’t withstand: God’s Truth.
THE WORD
The darkness of shame has no place in the light of God’s Truth. None. Once we start believing what He says about us and letting it displace the lies that have been stealing our identity, shame will be forced out and rejoicing will be ushered in.
Along with it will come peace, gratitude and the courage to love and be loved just as we are. We’ll know that God created us in His image and that we are every bit as included in His promises and salvation as the next girl if we receive it through Jesus.
The way to displace shame in our hearts and begin living in freedom is to shift our focus. Instead of dwelling on our past and what we’ve done (or has been done to us), we begin focusing on God’s Truth, which tells of His solution to our sin and His immeasurable love for us. Reading His Word reminds us that our past sins no longer exist and that regardless of where we’ve been or what we’ve been through, His love for us never falters.
Read the following verses and record how each relates to the battle against shame from past sins: Micah 7:19; 1 John 1:9; Romans 8:1; Psalm 103:12; Titus 2:14; John 8:2-11.
Because our shame sometimes results from actions taken against us, we can turn to His Word and find that He prizes us unlike any human ever could and wants to restore us. Take a look at these verses and record how they apply to the battle against shame from people and circumstance: Psalm 27:10; Jeremiah 30:17; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Genesis 16; Romans 8:31-39.
TAKEAWAY POINT:
Ladies, regardless of where we’ve been or what we’ve done, we aren’t despised by God. To believe so is to deny who He created us to be. We are loved. We are forgiven. We are redeemed by the blood of Jesus, who loved us so much that He went to the cross for us. He wants us. He cares for us. He is our God. Let go of your shame and let His Truth and love lead you to freedom.
TEAM TIME
Come back together as a team and settle in to do some bonding over shared wounds and a shared redemption.
Open a discussion about shame in general. Using a flip chart or white board, write a description of shame. What are its characteristics? What does it look like in someone who carries it around.
Make another list of the negative effects of shame. What does it do inside us? How does it separate us from God? What does it do to our relationships, lifestyle, mentality, etc.?
Now discuss how shame affects a team dynamic. How is a team negatively affected by the shame in its athletes?
On the other hand, a team filled with women who are free from shame and thriving in God’s Truth and love will look completely different. First, discuss what a woman who is free from shame looks like and how she acts and thinks.
Now, do the same for a team that is free from shame. What does that team dynamic look like and what are the results?
Now it’s time to get a little personal. Because shame is so rampant in the world, there are unquestionably women on your team and in your group who wrestle with shame every day. Maybe you all do. If you have a large group, break into groups of three or four and, if you are willing, share your areas of shame and how they are affecting you. (If you aren’t ready to share your struggles, it’s understandable. But let a trusted teammate know that you are wrestling and ask her to pray for you. Then make a plan of action for confronting the issue and let her know about it.)
As each teammate shares, respond by offering words from Scripture. What does God say about her shame and His desires for her freedom from it?
Come back together and discuss any breakthroughs. Finish with prayer and the question: “What’s God saying, and how will you respond?”
WORK IT OUT
This week, your team’s mission is to help each other as you break free from the shame in your hearts. Choose one (or more) of the following activities to do as a team between now and your next meeting:
Post related Scripture verses in your lockers and on your locker room mirrors.
Text, Tweet, Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram encouraging verses to each other daily. (Almost any social media site will work.)
Break into partners and pray with each other every day regarding liberation from areas of shame and finding freedom in Christ.
Ask a trusted older woman (e.g. a Christian coach) to serve as a guest speaker and talk to your team about shame and how to overcome it through Christ.
RALLY CRY:
Once you have your plan of action, couple it with this week’s Bold and Beautiful Rally Cry. As a team, this will be your power phrase for the week. Repeat it when lies come to your mind; write it on your athletic tape; say it to each other; and remember the verse behind it.
“NOT ASHAMED!”
PSALM 34:5