How Do I Sound to My Child?
Why analyze if you are tearing down or building up.
Sweet words bring health.
One huge benefit of playing organized youth sports is that your child will learn to be challenged. The Bible calls this “exhortation,” and it means to pursue a course of action that you normally would not take on your own. Yes, your child will be pushed and stretched by their coach, teammates and opponents. But if your child is like most, they will NOT want to be challenged or exhorted by their mom or dad. This puts the parent of the athlete in a conundrum that requires much wisdom and patience.
One of my daughters put every ounce of aggression and effort into any sport she played. There was something inside her that caused this all-out effort; she didn’t learn it, she was born with it. But, despite her intensity, there was a sensitivity to her spirit. Meaning, I had to be very circumspect in what I said to her about her performance and aware of how it might come across. I believe she placed more pressure on herself than most of her teammates. The last thing she needed was for me to place extra pressure on her. This child did not need any more pushing or exhorting, she needed affirmation and love from a father who could not have been more produc of her.
The point is: Some children need extra encouragement in their sports to help them work through their lack of effort or motivation. Others need only a word of encouragement to keep them from succumbing to the self-imposed pressure with which they naturally battle. The intent of this lesson is that you consider approaching the “encourage vs. pressure” tension with a new outlook. How do you sound through the ears of your child?
Here are a few tips to consider before you ask God to help you apply the verses provided.
Before you say anything to your child about their performance, think about their heart. Harsh words about performance usually find their way to the heart.
Ask yourself the question: “Are my words going to build him/her up or tear him/her down?” (You communicate a lot to your child with your body language of disapproval, which can be just as hurtful as harsh words.)
Long term, what matters most to your child? That they are impressed with your knowledge of reading defenses, or that they gain security in knowing you care for and love them?
Don’t let the emotion of the game or competition cause you to lose your composure or raise your voice. There is enough yelling and loss of composure coming from coaches, opponents and teammates. Someone needs to exhibit self-control to your child, and that someone is you.
Bible Study
What do you learn about the tongue from the Bible verses provided?
How do these verses help you better build up your child as he/she participates in sports?
What is the big idea or main takeaway you found in this lesson?
Practice Session
Ask your spouse or close friend to set aside time to discuss whether they’ve heard you use words that could be interpreted as tearing down rather than building up your child.
Get one-on-one with your child and ask them if you have used any words or phrases with them that made them feel torn down rather than built up. (Don’t be defensive, justify or rationalize.) Commit to your child that you will ask God to help you do better with your words.