What Motivates Them
Identifying your child's psychological tendencies.
Play for the audience of one.
There is great diversity in the psychological makeups of young athletes. That’s why there is no cookie cutter template for parenting; all children are so different. Your child might be a perfectionist, or afraid of failing, or blame themselves for every team loss, or exhibit laziness and little motivation. Identifying these psychological tendencies and personality traits early in your child’s life can be helpful in navigating the pitfalls that accompany them.
I’m not a psychologist, but I have observed coaches and athletes for six decades. Let’s look closer at some personality traits that surface in the competitive environment of youth sports.
Perfectionism
The perfectionist is satisfied with nothing less than performance perfection, which is unattainable. Thus, you will have a dissatisfied child. A perfectionist child usually makes their parents proud and other parents jealous. But, the psychological toll of never achieving the goal of perfection usually prevents them from long-term life satisfaction and stability. If your child exhibits perfectionist tendencies, you will want to remind them that they are playing for an audience of One: Their creator and the only One to whom they should strive to please. Ultimately, your child has nothing to prove to anyone, except God. God judges the heart and motivation of the athlete and not their performance. Perfectionists live or die by comparison; they measure their performance by comparing it with others. The Bible teaches this is no way to live; in fact, it’s called foolishness.
Fear of failure
The child who exhibits fear of failure will often transfer those fears into most every area of their lives, resulting in never trying anything because they’re afraid of not being successful. This child will be hard pressed to try out for a sports team because the sports environment is one of many failures. The best hitters in the MLB fail two out of every three at bats. The best quarterbacks in the NFL fail one out of every three pass attempts. And the best shooters in the NBA fail in over half of their shot attempts. Someone who fears failure will never experience success in sports or any endeavor of life. This child will need a surplus of encouragement to keep trying, for the sake of the Lord. Fear almost always paralyzes the athlete, whereby faith almost always mobilizes them.
Taking the blame
The child who takes the blame for everything in life, including their team’s failures, is a child who needs to learn how to receive grace. Constantly taking the blame is not only unhealthy, it’s unbiblical. The Bible speaks much about the undeserved favor of God known as grace. Always taking the blame leads to dissatisfaction with wins and devastation with losses, which is not a great formula for enjoyment in sports.
Laziness
A child who is unmotivated to participate in sports could suffer from plain old laziness. The Bible addresses this personality trait. Children who don’t seem to have the gumption to give maximum effort can create frustration and even chaos in the family dynamic. (Assuming the child is not being forced to participate in a sport but has willingly expressed their desire to play. Children being forced to play sports because it fills a void in the parent is a lesson for another day.) A child who expresses their desire to participate, but does not demonstrate effort while playing, is incredibly difficult for parents. This child will need a lot of love and understanding, in addition to a lot of discipline and structure.
Parental Warning
Be careful not to place your child into a box by making their psychological tendencies or personality traits their identity. Be careful to not label or refer to them as a perfectionist, a slacker, etc. These traits are not permanent, and they can be worked through with the help of loving parents like you. Before considering the Bible verses provided, pause to ask God to give you wisdom as you address any unhealthy personality traits you’ve observed in your child.
Bible Study
Which of the verses provided seem to speak to a personality trait your child struggles with? How might this verse help you encourage your child?
Which of the verses provided seem to speak to a personality trait you have struggled with? How might you apply that verse to your life?
What is the big idea or take away you gained from this lesson?
Practice Session
Do you see consistent traits in your child’s personality that fall into one of the four categories mentioned in this lesson? If so, think of a way you can engage your child in a conversation about what you have observed in them and share the Bible verse that might be helpful. (If you’re able and if applicable, include your spouse.)
Ask your spouse or a close friend to identify any of your unhealthy personality traits when it comes to your child’s sports. You might already know a trait that causes considerable temptation but you’ve never discussed it before, or you may learn something new about yourself. Would you be willing to have a conversation and confess to him/her and the Lord any sin that derives from the personality trait exposed?