LET IT GO
We love to have things our way, don’t we? It’s part of our makeup as women. We want a plan for just about everything from our schedules to our diets to our relationships. And if something throws off a plan we’ve created, it can throw us into fits.
But in sports, there is so much beyond our control. Injuries, coaching changes, game schedules—even the weather. All of these and an endless list of other variables can insert themselves into our perfect plans and destroy our flawlessly controlled agenda. And if we’ve been clinging to it for security, comfort, stability or in an attempt to nullify our fears, we will be left in a panic, grasping for detrimental coping mechanisms that will help us feel like we’re back in the driver’s seat. Surely there has to be a better way.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like to be in control?
How do you react when unexpected situations or events throw off your plans?
Do you have a favorite coping mechanism for dealing with the anxiety of feeling out of control? (Common choices include anything from excessive exercise to alcohol to food restriction/addiction, excessive sleep, shopping, smoking or escaping into technology or social media.)
THINK IT THROUGH
As athletes, you have a lot going on. You have classes, homework, practices, games, travel, social activities, community service and (hopefully) rest. And, as Christians, you also have church, Bible studies and daily routines for growing in your relationship with Jesus. All of this combined can lead to a ton of stress and anxiety. There’s so much riding on everything (at least it feels that way) that you don’t feel like you can afford to slip up in any area. If you do, you’ll be a failure, and, obviously, that can’t happen.
So you turn to control. It’s the only way to stay afloat. If you can keep everything under your strict authority, you might just make it. But it won’t be easy. You’ll have to make sure you stay on top of your game at all times and think through every possible scenario that could go wrong and make a plan to avoid it.
That kind of lifestyle is almost more stress-inducing than the contributing factors! But how many of us feel so much pressure to be winners in every area that we live this kind of scenario every day?
What aspects of your life are you working hard to control?
How much anxiety are you experiencing from trying to stay in control at all times?
Just in case you don’t recognize some of your own controlling tactics, here are a few examples.
Unmovable schedule
Little-to-no social activity
Uncommonly rigid diet and exercise
Frequent manipulation of people and situations
A tendency to lie to maintain control
Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t have a disciplined lifestyle with good boundaries. We all need to have good habits as part of a healthy, God-honoring existence, and being a student-athlete involves having proper priorities.
But when our need for control starts to crowd out God’s plan, our relationships, our health and our peace, we have an issue that needs to be confronted. Otherwise, we risk losing much more than we anticipated when the truth comes out: that we never had control to begin with.
Really, how much power do we actually have to control the world around us? Yes, we can make decisions on our own and determine where we go and what we do, but unless we live in a science experiment in which everything is controlled around us, we have zero capability to manage the forces outside our own bodies. (By the way, we don’t have total control over what happens inside our bodies, either.) We’re really at the mercy of powers much bigger than we are.
Thank God.
It can sound scary to think about the idea of not really being in control of anything, but not if we know Who is. If we really know the nature and power of the God who guides us, protects us and helps us, we will be able to keep our peace even when things start moving in a direction we don’t like. Why? Because we’ll know that His Word says things like He’ll never leave us (Hebrews 13:5) and that He causes all things to work for our good (Romans 8:28).
That’s not to say bad or unexpected things won’t happen. Jesus Himself told us that we would experience trouble in this world (John 16:33). But in that same breath, He also told us to take heart because He had overcome it.
Ladies, we have nothing to fear by surrendering our right to control to God. In fact, we have everything to gain. Why would we let ourselves get so entangled in our desires for control that we lose everything Jesus died to give us? His peace. His joy. His freedom. His love. His compassion for others. All of those will be limited if we commit to controlling everything and keeping it our way. Will we really sacrifice all of those wonderful, life-giving things because we’re scared? Because we’re afraid to trust anyone other than ourselves? It’s not worth it. Especially when we never really have control at all.
Instead, let’s make choices to daily surrender to the powerful, merciful, grace-filled Father we can trust with our lives and our eternity.
THE WORD
Let’s take a look at some verses that will help us understand control and how God wants us to handle our desire for it.
Key Verses:
Read the following verses and record how they apply to our lust for control and God’s desire for us to trust and surrender to Him:
John 16:33
Matthew 6:25-34
Psalm 46:10
Jeremiah 29:11
Romans 8:28
Proverbs 16:9
James 4:10
Matthew 11:29
TAKEAWAY POINT:
We don’t have to control everything. Yes, we may want to, but God never asked us to. In fact, He told us to do quite the opposite by surrendering to Him and trusting. Why? Because He knows we aren’t Him. We don’t have the ability to control things, and all of our wishing, hoping and praying for that kind of power will never make it happen. Control isn’t an option for us. We’re never going to be God, and it’s doubtful that we’d want to be.
The best we can do is the best we can do. Follow God’s Word and do everything for His glory and then trust Him with the results, realizing that, whether we like them or not, they will work for our good in the end (Romans 8:28). Sound easier said than done? It is. But it’s worth it for the sake of knowing Him and knowing His peace.
TEAM TIME
It’s time to come back together and discuss the battle for control. But before you do, recognize that if you do struggle with control, you may be experiencing a desire not to tell anyone about it because you’re afraid they’ll make you do something to change.
ACTIVITY:
No one will make you do anything (i.e. control you). If you choose to surrender an area of struggle to the Lord, it needs to be out of obedience to Him and a desire to embrace His Lordship in your life. Don’t let your fears stop you from following the Holy Spirit as He guides you into freedom. Be brave and confess what needs to be confessed!
Start with a general topic. Open a discussion about control—what it looks like, why we feel like we need it and why it’s an obstacle to a relationship with Christ.
What are some instances in the Bible that illustrate a man or woman’s desire to control and the consequences it brought?
Using a flip chart or white board, list the most common areas over which you as student-athletes try to maintain control.
In what ways do you pursue control in each area?
How does it help and/or hinder you?
It’s important to recognize that not all schedules and rules are part of an over-controlling personality, but they certainly can be. Discuss some indications that a normal priority has spiraled into a harmful control mechanism.
Now it’s time to get vulnerable. (If you have a large group, break into groups of three or four.) Open up a discussion about the depth to which each of you struggles with control. Let every woman share without being interrupted.
As each teammate shares, respond to her with verses of Scripture that apply to her emotions, thoughts and fears.
Once each teammate has shared, pause to pray as a group and confess your desires for control to the Lord. Ask Him for the ability to trust and surrender to Him and for the wisdom to know how to operate without excessive control.
Return to the group and discuss any breakthroughs that were made and finish by answering the question, “What is God saying to you, and how will you respond?”
WORK IT OUT
Your assignment for the week is to band together to help each other grow in the ability to live free of excessive control. Choose one or more of the following activities to carry out throughout the week and combine it with the B&B Rally Cry to help you remain submitted to God in every area.
Write a daily prayer of surrender to God that each teammate can pray every morning before starting her day.
Have each teammate create a formal letter of resignation from her role as queen and ruler of her own world. Address it to God as the true Authority, and post them in your lockers.
If you are musically inclined, get creative with the lyrics to the Disney song “Let It Go” and make your own version that helps you all remember who and whose you are.
Come up with your own!
RALLY CRY:
Once you have your plan of action, couple it with this week’s Bold and Beautiful Rally Cry. As a team, this will be your power phrase for the week. Repeat it when lies come to your mind; write it on your athletic tape; say it to each other; and remember the verse behind it.
“LET IT GO!”
PROVERBS 3:5-6