PLEASED TO PLEASE
Their eyes are everywhere, watching every move you make. They praise, ridicule, analyze, scrutinize and cast judgment after judgment, and their words can inflict wounds so deep they’ll need years to heal.
Fans, critics, scouts and media. Parents, friends, peers and rivals. They all have something to say, and some of their voices carry tremendous weight in our lives. And whether we realize it or not, we may be letting their opinions dictate how we live our lives and approach our sports.
That’s why it’s so important that we learn to shift our focus to the only audience that should have that kind of authority over us: our loving, grace-filled Heavenly Father.
Who are your loudest critics, and how do their words and opinions affect you?
THINK IT THROUGH
The desire to please others has a bad reputation, but it isn’t entirely bad. It’s fun to watch others delight in us and to contribute to their happiness. It’s selfless to put others before ourselves and to seek their good above our own (Philippians 2:3). And it puts Christ on display when we love and serve out of a humble heart. It’s part of living for Him.
The problem, however, arises when we aren’t doing these things out of a love for Christ, but rather out of an effort to earn the approval of others—the acceptance we think will make us feel valuable and worthwile.
Whose approval do you desire most in your life?
In what ways do you try to earn approval?
When you take to the court or field, who are you trying to impress? Why?
Maybe you’ve heard about the informal survey conducted by two former coaches who asked hundreds of college athletes to name their worst memory from playing sports as kids. Out of all those they surveyed, the most prevalent answer was this: the post-game car ride home with their parents.* Why? Because that was when the scrutiny from Mom and Dad would begin and the kids would learn that they hadn’t measured up—that they weren’t good enough.
It’s not surprising that this is such a bad memory for most athletes. Kids gain confidence and self-esteem from words of affirmation offered by parents and influential authority figures. When those words are absent or are replaced by negative, derogatory comments, the child becomes insecure and believes she is worthless and must “do better” to earn the missing approval. She will then project this idea onto God and believe that He also, as her Father, must be pleased and that she has to earn His approval—that she doesn’t measure up for Him as she is.
*Henson, Steve. “What Makes A Nightmare Sports Parent -- And What Makes A Great One.” 15 Feb. 2012. Web. http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent, Survey by Bruce Barron and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC.
In what ways did you receive validation and acceptance from your parents and other influential figures in your life as a child? In what ways was it withheld from you?
If you were standing face-to-face with those influential people right now, what words of affirmation would you most want to hear from them?
How does this affect your relationship with God?
If you’re in this situation right now, it’s time you were released from that exhausting pursuit. Because the truth is that you don’t have to please a single person in the world to attain the validation you crave, and you most definitely don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love. You already have all the acceptance and validation you could ever want; you just have to own it.
According to God’s Word, it’s entirely possible to be free from the constant drive to please others. The Bible is filled with evidence of His love for us, which we already have simply because He chooses to give it to us. We can’t earn it, and we’ll never deserve it. All we can do is thank Him for it and accept His free, unconditional love, which manifested clearly on the cross when Jesus died for us.
You are part of that. You are God’s creation, and He wants to help you see and believe that He’s already pleased with you. Not because of any achievement you earned, but simply because He made you and called you good. Better yet, He called you wonderful (Psalm 139). No amount of points scored, trophies earned or records set will increase or decrease your standing in His sight. Now, how many of the people you’re trying to please can offer the same kind of love? (Hint: The answer is none.)
Not one person, regardless of how much he or she loves you, can offer the same kind of unchanging, unrelenting, totally fulfilling kind of love that is found in the Lord.
THE WORD
The first step in finding release from pleasing people is to recognize God’s love for you. Take a look at these verses and record what each says about God’s love and what it means for you:
Read these verses and record what each says about God’s love and what it means for you: Galatians 1:10; Colossians 3:23-24; Matthew 6:1-4.
Once you’re armed with an assurance of His love (or at least working toward that total assurance), it’s time to let God’s Truth destroy your people-pleasing habits. Read these verses and record what God is saying to you about people-pleasing: Galatians 1:10; Colossians 3:23-24; Matthew 6:1-4.
Finally, let’s revisit the story we studied earlier about the Apostle Paul. His may be the ultimate anti-people-pleasing testimony in the Bible. Stop and read Philippians 3:4-11.
Paul had everything. He had lineage, power, knowledge and status—everything that would be useful in pleasing and impressing people. But he found that it was worth nothing. Once he found Jesus, He realized that every impressive fact about him was garbage compared to knowing Jesus—the One who loved him and had called him to something greater: a relationship with Him.
TAKEAWAY POINT:
Ladies, if you’ve been a people-pleaser and have tried to win acceptance, approval and love by earning and achieving to appease others, it is very likely that you’re trying to use the same approach with God. But that’s not how God operates. He gives us His love first—before we’ve earned it—and then lets us obey Him freely out of the overflow of that unconditional love. It’s a miracle called grace, and along with love, it is the only real antidote to the desperation of pleasing others.
TEAM TIME
Time to huddle up. And in a group this setting, you can be 100% sure you’ll find a number of women who struggle with this issue. But it’s once again time to join forces and take on the lies together in the power of the Holy Spirit.
ACTIVITY:
Using a whiteboard or flipchart, make a list of your most common target audiences (i.e. Who are you trying to please?).
Discuss the differences between these audiences and God. Make a chart and record how they differ in the areas of love, grace, standards, power and any others you can think of.
Have members of the group read these three verses aloud and then discuss what each says about God’s love and grace and how the Truth frees us from trying to earn His approval.
Finish by posing the question, “What is God saying to me, and how will I respond?
WORK IT OUT
This week, your team’s mission is to practice shifting your focus from pleasing people to resting in God’s love and grace. This lesson will do no good unless you put a plan in place to work it into your lives. Choose one (or more) of the following activities to do as a team between now and your next meeting:
Revisit the question on standing in front of your influential person and considering what words would you want to hear from them.
As a team, share your answers with each other, then work together throughout the week to find Scripture verses that show these words or similar ones being spoken to us from God. (e.g. If a teammate wants to hear her parents say, “You’re good enough,” you could point her to Romans 14:18.) Do this for each member of your group so that she has a list of verses.
Using strips of paper, write down the names of people or groups whose approval you are trying to earn in sports or other areas of your life. Get together as a team and put the pieces of paper in an old shoebox. Seal the box and put it somewhere in your locker room to serve as a reminder that you have chosen to seek God’s approval instead of theirs.
Memorize Romans 8:38-39 and Galatians 1:10 and quote them to each other daily.
Make team bracelets that remind you of God and His unconditional love.
RALLY CRY:
Once you have your plan of action, couple it with this week’s Bold and Beautiful Rally Cry. As a team, this will be your power phrase for the week. Repeat it when lies come to your mind; write it on your athletic tape; say it to each other; and remember the verse behind it.
“AUDIENCE OF ONE!”
GALATIANS 1:10